


as long as we're together (does it matter where we go?)

by thewingway



Category: Iron Fist (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Post-Season/Series 01, Pre-Defenders, They're Soft™, honestly just disgusting amounts of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 08:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18332003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewingway/pseuds/thewingway
Summary: Danny and Colleen and falling in love while tracking an international crime organization across the world. You know, as you do.---aka soft and sometimes sad moments set in the gap between ifs1 and defenders, filling in some moments during Danny and Colleen's time tracking the Hand





	as long as we're together (does it matter where we go?)

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for the Iron Fist fanwork exchange on tumblr! This started out from the prompt "ironwing soft and fluffy" and, clearly, got way out of hand. I wanted to write some things set right after ifs1 because there was a lot of untapped potential there for really soft danny/colleen moments, but I couldn't just write it set in one place, so there's basically just little things set in every location they mentioned going to in the Defenders. So. 
> 
> Title is from the song Home by Gabrielle Aplin. It seemed appropriate 
> 
> tumblr: the-wingway

**mountains**

  
  


Colleen doesn’t think that she’ll ever get the aching cold out of her body. After a couple of days spent hiking up and then back  _ down _ the mountain, and a couple of nights spent on it, she’s beyond ready for warmth again. The hotel they’d ended up in near the base of the mountain really isn’t that much better, the rattly old heater spitting out only mildly warm air that does little to heat up the small room. Even Danny, who is far more tolerant of the cold than she is, really isn’t doing much better. 

She drops her pack on the floor while Danny  _ tries _ to get the door to lock like it’s supposed to, before padding over to the heater to investigate. When she turns the dial up to a warmer setting it just rattles more and the warmth doesn’t change, so she turns it back down - the noise isn’t worth it. 

“I think it’s okay,” Danny says after a moment, though he sounds doubtful. “I don’t really think there’s a lot of people here to worry about getting in, anyway,” he shrugs. 

“Mm. Doesn’t seem like a popular place,” she agrees as she peels her gloves off, trying to rub some warmth back in to her hands with little success. She watches Danny quietly as he sets his own pack down, staring at the floor with the most exhausted look she’s ever seen him with. There’s a slouch to his shoulders that normally isn’t there, a frown that she’s not used to seeing tugging at his lips. He looks  _ defeated _ . She wishes she could help, make things better, but she doesn’t know what to say to him, so she just watches him and hopes that he’ll say something, anything. He doesn’t. 

Turning away from him, she busies herself with stripping out of a few layers of clothing, shivering when she’s down to only her long-sleeved shirt and pants. The heater seems to be making just enough of a dent in the cold that it would be  _ worse _ , but she’s looking forward to being under the blankets on the bed regardless. Those, at least, look warm. 

When she looks back over, Danny is shrugging his coat off, letting it fall to the floor next to his pack. She notes the tension in his body as he moves, feels the same taut feeling in herself, too. After the unexpected of finding K’un Lun gone, they’d been kind of…  _ lost _ . The mountain was too cold to stay on, so getting back down had been priority and had given them a goal to focus on. But now, she thinks he has no idea what to do. Neither does she. She wishes she knew what would help, but there’s a bridge of uncertainty between them that she’s not sure how to cross. 

“This is at least better than a tent,” Danny says after a moment. When she meets his eyes he tries to smile, just a little, even if it seems forced. Pulling himself together, she thinks, for both of their sakes. 

“Yeah, let’s not do that again for a while if we can avoid it,” she agrees. After a moment of seeming indecision he crosses the distance between them, reaching up and cupping her face with both of his hands, leaning in to press a kiss against her forehead. His lips are chapped and rough, but the contact is still warm and  _ kind _ and she finds herself relaxing under his touch a little, stepping closer and gripping his shirt in her hands to keep him there. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” he tells her, and a little piece of her heart breaks at how  _ relieved _ he sounds, at the scared tone in his words that makes her think about how he would’ve handled any of this if he had been alone. It’s not something she likes to consider. 

“I can’t imagine being anywhere else.” Sure, there are nicer places to be than a questionable hotel room at the base of the mountains, but none of those places have  _ Danny _ . She can’t imagine how she’d be holding herself together if she were still alone in New York, still reeling from all of the hell that had made up the past weeks. Somehow, being in this hotel room with the man as tired and afraid as she is makes the most sense in the world. As if somehow they can fit into each other’s broken pieces and hold one-another up, keep each other going. As fragile as it all feels at times, she knows that she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. 

He kisses her forehead again, lingering, and this time she can feel him smiling. 

She likes that. 

“I’m going to see what we have left as far as food. You want to check and see if the hot water heater actually works here?” He asks, gesturing to the bathroom as he takes a step back from her. 

“If it’s anything like the heater, I’d doubt it.” She pushes her shoes off before heading into the bathroom, turning on the light that takes a moment to fully brighten. 

“Who knows, maybe it’ll surprise you,” he calls, and she just shakes her head. 

She turns the shower on and snaps her hand back at the rush of ice-cold water that pours out, dragging the curtain mostly closed to keep the spray off of her. When she reaches in a minute later the water is almost too hot, and after a moment of fiddling with it to adjust the temperature, she discovers that it only seems to have two settings: ice cold and scalding.  _ Better than nothing _ , she decides before turning it back off. 

“It’s fine,” she tells Danny as she joins him in the main part of the room, crouching down by her pack to find clean clothes. 

“ _ Anything _ is better than freezing,” he points out.  _ Fair enough _ . 

She finds small bottles of shampoo and conditioner in a bathroom drawer and sets them in the shower before turning it on, undressing while she waits for it to heat up. Even though it’s a bit more hot than she’d like, it still feels amazing after all of the cold. It’s nice to finally wash a week’s worth of grime off of her body, out of her hair, and even though it’s cold when she turns the water off, she feels infinitely better than before. 

When she joins Danny again he’s set out what’s left of their food on the bed, sorting through it, not seeming to notice her until she’s standing at his side, reaching out and resting her hand against his shoulder. 

“Go shower, I’ll finish this.” 

He doesn’t argue, just grabs his own clothes and heads into the bathroom. She waits until she hears the shower turn on before she moves to sit cross-legged on the bed, trying to towel dry her hair so it’s at least not dripping before she twists it up into a bun to keep it out of the way. She organizes the food quickly, holding aside a couple of energy bars for tonight before neatly packing the rest away into their bags. 

She’s finished by the time he returns, settling on the end of the bed as he reaches for his phone. “I’m going to text the pilot and have him come pick us back up. We can ask around in the morning about getting a ride back to the airport,” he says, taking the energy bar that she hands him. 

“We’re going to figure this out, okay?” Colleen speaks up after a moment of quiet, frowning a little before he looks over at her. “I mean it. We’re going to find out what happened, get some answers.” 

“I can take you back to New York, if you want,” he offers, not  _ quite  _ meeting her eyes. “If this was the Hand - and it really looks like it is - you… you don’t have to get involved in that again, you don’t have to stick around.” 

“Danny.” She waits until he looks at her before she continues. “I’m  _ going  _ to help you. I’m not leaving now.” 

The immediate relief in his eyes is overwhelming, and she sees him relax a little. “Thank you, Colleen.” 

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” she jokes, though it barely gets a smile out of him, the tension not gone completely. 

While he texts the pilot she unwraps the energy bar, starting to feel that aching exhaustion tugging at her again. When he doesn’t start eating after several minutes, too focused on his phone, she reaches out and nudges him with her foot. “You have to eat too,” she reminds him. He does after a moment, eventually setting his phone aside, necessary texts presumably sent. 

“We should try to get some sleep,” Danny suggests after an awkward beat of silence. She nods, finishing her food before pushing up off the bed to dig her toothbrush out of her pack. 

The bed is almost too small to fit two adults, but they make it work. Colleen lays on her side nearly at the edge of the mattress, shifting in an attempt to find a comfortable position while Danny turns the lights off. The room is dark and finally warming up, the rattly heater providing a constant drone in the background that’s accompanied by the sound of the wind outside. The mattress is comfortable enough, the sheets worn-out-soft, and when Danny slides into bed behind her, she feels more comfortable and at ease than she has in the past week. 

They’ve been together for around a month now, more or less, she thinks. But most of that time had been spent under copious amounts of stress, in increasingly bad situations, or traveling and hiking through the mountains. They’ve hardly had any quiet,  _ normal _ nights together, and it’s strange to think that this is one of the few they’ve had. Not that this is at all normal, or their situation is, but it’s nice to just  _ be _ there with him. 

She’s just found a semi-comfortable position when Danny shifts closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back towards him a little. Surprised, but not objecting, she pushes into him so that her back is against his chest, his arms wound comfortably around her as he rests his head against the back of her neck, placing a light kiss on her shoulder. 

His actions aren’t unwelcome, she just wasn’t really  _ expecting _ it. The few nights she has actually spent with Danny - in the same bed - he hadn’t really done anything to imply that he’s typically a cuddly person, which was fine. His actions now are proving her wrong as he moves them into a comfortable position, their bodies pressed together. It’s so easy to relax back against him, sinking into the security and warmth that his arms offer. 

“This okay?” he asks, sounding almost apprehensive about what she’ll say, and a little bit shy. She smiles. She forgets, sometimes, that this is all as new to him as it is to her. 

“This is great,” she tells him, and he kisses the side of her neck in response. He pulls the blankets up more around them, and she pushes herself into his arms more, finally feeling warm again. 

She doesn’t really think that either of them will get much sleep, but it’s worth a try. The wind outside is loud, hardly drowned out by the heater, and with all the stress of the past couple of weeks it’s been increasingly hard to relax. She can still feel the tension in his body behind her, impossible to hide when they’re so close together, no matter how hard he might be trying. Still, though, the quiet and his arms around her is a nice feeling, and if nothing else, she figures they might be able to get a couple hours in before they leave in the morning. 

 

\-----

 

Danny is already awake when she opens her eyes, adjusting a little when he realizes that she’s no longer asleep. She takes a few minutes to let herself wake up in the silence, waiting until the fogginess from sleep fades before she starts to move, carefully turning herself around in his arms so that she’s facing him instead. He loosens his grip on her so she can lay a bit further away, meeting her eyes with a hint of a smile. 

“Morning,” he says, and he sounds like he’s been awake for a while. That doesn’t really surprise her - he usually is. 

“Did you get any sleep?” She observes him a little suspiciously, notes that he looks almost more exhausted than the night before, the dark spots under his eyes still pronounced. 

“A little.” 

“Hm.” She reaches over, gently trailing her fingers up along the line of his jaw before lightly carding her fingers through his already sleep-messy hair, resting her hand along the side of his head. 

“I should probably get a haircut,” he comments, and he’s smiling almost a little shyly as she continues the affectionate gesture.

“I like the curls,” she says plain. “It’s cute.”  _ Now _ she’s gotten him to blush, and it’s impossible for him to hide the flush in his cheeks, which she can’t resist smiling at that. She’s pretty sure he’s not used to compliments like that - or, really, compliments at all - and he clearly doesn’t know how to react to it. It’s kind of adorable. 

He ducks his head down briefly while she brings her hand to rest against his jaw again before he looks back up at her. He moves his hand from her waist to cup her face instead, leaning in with little hesitation to kiss her. She smiles briefly against his lips before just shifting for a better angle, perfectly content at the slow, almost sleepy pace, just appreciating the feeling of his lips against hers and the way his hand is curling around the back of her neck, warm and gentle. 

The burst of warmth in her chest is something she’s quickly starting to associate with Danny, because she’s never quite felt the same thing with anyone else. Yet as much as she cares about him, as much as she loves  _ this _ , there’s still a pressing doubt at the back of her head that keeps reminding her of how  _ fragile _ this is. Whatever this is, whatever they’re trying to do - it’s all still  _ new _ and uncertain. It’s easier to push back those doubts in moments like this, where she’s  _ happy _ . That’s not a feeling that she’s intimately familiar with, so times like this she wants to hold onto for as long as she can. 

When he does pull away she shifts closer to him and rests her head against his chest, comfortable and content. His arm wraps around her waist again, keeping her close, and she’s finding very quickly that she loves that. 

“The pilot said he’ll be landing in about an hour. We should probably go see about getting a ride to the airport,” he says finally, and she reluctantly nods. It’ll be nice to get out of here, though she’s not even sure where they’re going yet.  _ We’ll figure it out. _

 

\-----

 

Danny takes a picture of the mountains before they get on the plane. They’re beautiful, looming above them, so he takes a couple more before he turns and sees Colleen standing on the steps of the plane watching him curiously. He quickly jogs across the pavement to join her, following her up into the cabin before he shuts the door behind him, securing it. 

“Why the pictures?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I guess, as shitty as this has been… that was still home for a long time. I saw those mountains every day.” He follows her further into the plane, setting his bag down on one of the seats. “I just wish I knew where we needed to go next.” 

“I don’t know if it’s anything at all, or if it’ll get us anywhere, but… Bakuto mentioned Sao Paulo a few times. From what I gathered - which, admittedly, wasn’t a lot - there might be another branch out there.” She’s frowning as she talks, stumbling over Bakuto’s name in a way that makes him sad. “If we have no other aim, it might be worth looking into.” 

“A lead is a lead,” he says, stepping past her to tell the pilot.  _ São Paulo _ . Not a place he knows really anything about, but if something there will lead them to the Hand, it’s worth investigating. 

He picks a seat next to the window, setting his phone down on the table in from of him while Colleen slides into the seat next to him. The rumble of the plane seems like it’ll never stop sending a jolt of anxiety through his chest, the tension filling his body again. Her sitting beside him helps a little, even during the shaky takeoff as he watches the ground fall away beneath them. Colleen leans past him to look out the window, and he turns to look as well, watching as they climb higher and higher, slowly becoming more and more level with the mountains they’re leaving behind. 

In a sort of unthinking movement he catches Colleen’s hand up in his own, trying not to feel weird or shy about it - he knows she doesn’t mind - and he can’t help but smile when she tightens her fingers around his and squeezes. 

_ Yeah _ , he thinks, smiling at her.  _ This is a good thing _ . 

 

 

 

**são paulo**

  
  


The neon lights and the high-speed bustle of a city is a sharp contrast to the mountains and the quiet hotel they had left behind hours earlier. The noise and the lights and the constant  _ moving moving moving _ feels almost like New York, but there’s a distinctly different feel to the place that seems unique to the city, even if she can’t fully place  _ what _ . The sun had been starting to set when they’d landed at the airport, and now it’s completely dark except for the city lights as they make their way down the sidewalk through the evening rush of people trying to get to their hotel. 

The most significant difference is that it’s  _ warm _ . Lower seventies according to Danny’s phone, but it feels so much warmer when compared with the cold of the mountains. She’s almost uncomfortable in her long sleeved shirt and jacket, but she’s definitely not complaining. This is  _ so much _ better. 

Danny takes her hand in his, lacing their fingers together as they continue down the sidewalk, nearly pressed together at times trying not to get separated. 

“We should be almost there,” he says after a moment as he pauses to look at the map he’d pulled up on his phone. 

They eventually reach the hotel and manage to get a room on one of the upper floors. Colleen drops her bag on the floor as soon as they get in, Danny quickly following suit. This room is far nicer than the last one, a comfortable temperature and a larger bed. She finds herself drawn over to the windows, tugging the curtains open to look out across the city. It’s a mess of tall buildings, streetlights and hints of neons blurring together, the streets still busy even as it gets later in the night. 

“If you don’t look too hard, it’s  _ almost _ like New York,” she comments, taking it in. It’s beautiful, she can’t deny that. 

“Do you miss it?” Danny asks as he joins her at the window, their shoulders brushing together. 

“A little. I haven’t left it in a while, except for that trip to China, and not for any long amount of time.” She pauses, staring out at the city. “I don’t exactly have the best memories there right now, so, maybe it’ll be good to stay away for a while.” 

She startles briefly when he wraps his hand around hers again, giving it a tight squeeze that she doesn’t hesitate to return. Something she’s realizing very quickly is that Danny’s way of comforting people is  _ touching _ . She hadn’t really noticed this at first, or at least understood that that was his intention, but she quickly picked up on the fact that his frequent small or gentle touches at specific moments was how he showed support, comfort, usually more than words. It’s not something that she’s really used to - Bakuto was hardly the type to offer any sort of physical comfort - so every time it’s surprising until she remembers why he does it. It’s  _ nice _ . 

“This place is big,” Danny points out after a minute of silence, still holding her hand. “Where are we even supposed to start?” 

“First, we should unpack a little since we might be here for a while. And change clothes. Then, I don’t know, maybe something in the news might be a good tip off? Any criminal activity is always a good place to start looking for the Hand.” 

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

\-----  
  


She lays back on the bed next to him, pulling up local news sites on her phone. She starts reading any articles related to criminal activity, looking for anything that has the same general signs of the Hand, anything at all that could point to them or be any sort of lead. There’s a couple that she saves to read over again later, but nothing quickly pops out at her. Eventually she shifts over closer to Danny, tucked up against his shoulder so he can read as well. He points out a couple of things they could look into, and she saves those too. 

“I think to start, our best bet is going to be just… hitting the streets. Hours between midnight and six in the morning usually seem to be the best times for this. Even if we don’t immediately find the Hand, I’m sure we’ll find someone who knows  _ something _ ,” Colleen suggests a moment after handing her phone over to Danny, letting him continue reading. 

“Yeah, unfortunately I don’t think we’re going to find any articles that point them out by name,” he comments. “The _ Hand _ really is a stupid name.” 

She shifts more so she’s curled up along Danny’s side, her head pillowed on his shoulder as he almost unconsciously wraps his arm around her as he keeps reading. All of the flying and the time change is quickly catching up to her, and she feels herself drifting off a little, lulled by the comfort of her current position. 

He keeps talking, mentioning something else in an article, but she’s not really paying much attention at this point - a hum in response keeps him talking. Eventually he trails off, and she feels him shift a little and tighten his arm around her. 

“We’ll figure it out tomorrow. Just get some sleep.” She feels the slightest touch of his lips against her forehead as she drifts off. 

 

\-----

 

They work  _ very _ well together - and she thinks this shouldn’t really come as a surprise. Colleen can’t remember the last time she worked so comfortably in tandem with someone, trusted someone so completely to watch her back the way that she instinctively trusts Danny. Their fighting styles, while vastly different, compliment each other. This comfort and trust takes some of the pressure off of their investigating, makes it just a little easier. 

They’re sitting on a rooftop overlooking an empty parking lot, and it’s nearly two in the morning. There’s bruises forming on her side, and a cut that she’ll have to deal with later, and she knows that Danny isn’t much better off. But they have a  _ lead _ , and that fact outweighs any exhausted negativity that the wounds and soreness bring on. It took them a week, several nights out in the darkest places in Sao Paulo, to shake something loose. Now they have an aim, something to look into, and that’s enough for now. 

She’s sitting with her feet hanging over the edge of the roof while Danny sits cross legged beside her, looking something up on his phone. The city is spread out around them, above them, but all of the mess of lights ad noise doesn’t seem to touch this abandoned building, and the road in front of them is empty of both cars and people. A little pocket of the city that’s slowed down, separated from the constant  _ go _ of the rest. It’s nice and peaceful and there’s a light breeze that makes the cool evening even better. 

“We should try this part of the city next. Going by what they said, I think that this might be where their base of operations is,” Danny starts, turning the phone so she can see the place he’s pulled up on the maps. 

“If nothing else, poking around is sure to get us something eventually,” she adds, moving her katana from her lap to lay on the roof beside her instead as she idly swings her feet a little. 

“Not tonight though.” 

“A break will be good,” she agrees, frowning as the growing soreness at her side. She unzips her jacket to grab her phone from the inside pocket, intending to check the time, instead her hands wrap around the small package she’d gotten earlier that day. 

“Oh, hey, I forgot about this,” she says, nudging Danny lightly with her elbow. “Yours broke, so, I picked you up a new pair earlier when I ran out for food.” She pulls the tiny box out of her pocket, handing him the pair of headphones. He smiles brightly, though almost seems a little surprised at the gesture as he she hands them over. 

“Thank you.” He catches her hand up in his again, squeezing it, and she doesn’t argue when he leaves their hands tangled together, resting on his leg. The contact is warm and comforting, and he only pulls away briefly to plug in the headphones before he takes her hand again, running his thumb along her knuckles in what seems like a subconscious movement. 

“Here,” he hands her one of the earbuds before putting the other in, pulling up the music on his phone. She slips hers in, leaning into his shoulder a little to look at the music he’s flipping through, trying to decide on something. He’s still holding her hand - she likes that. 

Once he picks something, adjusting the volume to a comfortable level, she leans her head against his shoulder and shuts her eyes, content. His hand is still in hers, warm and grounding, and it’s so easy to ignore the rest of the world like this. 

 

 

**berlin**

 

She wakes with a scream lodged in her throat and the pressing urge to  _ run _ , her heart pounding in her chest hard enough to ache.  She clamps a hand over her mouth before any sort of sound can escape, shivering even while she’s sweaty and overheated, squeezing her eyes shut as she tries to keep from making a sound. Danny is still asleep beside her, so she slides out of the blankets as carefully as she can and moves on shaky legs into the bathroom, struggling to breathe or think or to hold back the tears. 

The bathroom is small, most of the floor space taken up by the bags they’d set there and never moved, but the space in front of the shower is clean and she sinks down onto the floor with her back pressed into the tile wall, shivering at the cold touch of it as she tries to make the world come back into focus. It’s not really working - her breaths are fast and her head is slipping and light and even the sharp pain of her nails dug into her palms or the cold of the floor doesn’t help. She clenches her jaw so tightly that it throbs as she tries to keep from crying, but it doesn’t help either, so she just presses her hand over her mouth again in an attempt to muffle the sounds. 

This sort of pain, this panic, isn’t unfamiliar - it’s just uncommon. The nightmares, the fear, dragging at her brain until she can’t breathe or think and it feels like a part of her is breaking. All she can do is ride it out, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. She draws her legs up to her chest and rests her head against her knees, hands tangled in her hair at the back of her neck and gripping as if that will make it easier to focus and to breathe. It doesn’t, it  _ can’t _ , she’s slipping and slipping and the next sound comes out of her strangled and breathless as she tries to force it back. 

She doesn’t hear Danny get up, doesn’t hear him enter the small room. Her eyes are tightly shut and she startles momentarily when he settles down on the floor next to her, his hand resting on her shoulder in a feeling that makes her flinch away before she can even register it. He pulls his hand back but she can still feel him next to her, the warmth of his body close. 

“Shh, Colleen, he starts, and his voice is soft and kind and  _ steady _ , soothing, the only sound she can focus on over the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears. 

“What’s wrong? Is there a way I can help?” 

She doesn’t know. She knows what’s wrong - her mind spinning and spinning and the  _ nightmares _ , of the Hand and Bakuto and a rainy night where a part of her broke that could’ve gone so far differently than it had. The guilt, the ache, the voice in her head that tells her that she screwed up, ruined everything, that she wasn’t  _ enough _ . That maybe if she had been, if she hadn’t made the choices she had, things would’ve worked out. That maybe Bakuto wouldn’t have wanted her dead, tried to kill her, that maybe Danny wouldn’t have hated her. 

“I-” She takes a shaky breath. There’s things she wants to say, thinks that she could, but they won’t come. 

He shushes her again gently, tries to rest his hand on her shoulder but she can’t hide the way she flinches at the contact, hates that he pulls back so fast like he’s been burned. She wishes she could tell him that she wants him to - to pull her closer, surround her in the warmth of his arms and maybe be enough to drown out everything else - but those words don’t come, either. 

“I need you to listen to me, okay? You’ve gotta breathe, Colleen, you’re going to make yourself sick,” he says, so patiently. “Breathe with me, okay? Deep breaths.” 

Every one of his breaths is steady, measured, purposefully loud enough that she can hear them and force herself to try to match him. It takes all of her focus just to listen, to breathe, the minutes slipping by until she feels him gently touch her again, his hands carefully prying her own away from her hair and moving them to rest on the floor instead. She realizes how  _ tense _ her whole body is, wound tight to the point of hurting. 

She hates that she’s still crying, wipes uselessly at the tears as she forces in another breath. She feels a flush creeping up in her cheeks, her skin, that awful guilty and embarrassed feeling about the whole situation that makes her wish she could undo it all. But he still sits there with her, quiet and calm, waiting. 

“Can I touch you?” He asks after another minute or so, when she can breathe, and after a second’s hesitation she nods. He pulls her against him gently, shifting so that her back is pressed against his chest, one of his arms wrapping around her waist while the other grabs one of her hands, running his thumb along her knuckles. She slowly sinks back into him, taking another deep breath as she tries to let the tension bleed out of her as she finds a steady sort of comfort in the warmth of his body. 

“Nightmare?” He asks, and there’s no judgement in his voice. 

She nods, again, shuts her eyes as he presses a kiss to the side of her head. 

“Do you want to talk about it? That helps, sometimes. Only if you want to though.” 

“I wish I could stop thinking about him,  _ them _ .” Her voice comes out smaller than she wants. “Bakuto. The Hand.” 

He waits quietly, his hand still holding hers and she grips it like it’s her lifeline. 

“Why did you ask me to come with you?” The question has been gnawing at her for weeks now, practically since the moment he asked her in the dojo.  _ Why _ . They didn’t  _ really _ know each other that well at the time, and while she knows that they both care for each other, it had caught her off guard. After everything with the Hand, when he’d told her that he planned to go back to K’un Lun, she had just expected a simple  _ goodbye _ and for another person to slip away from her, out of her life. He had done the opposite, and she’s really not sure how to process that sometimes. 

“Because I care about you,  _ so much _ . If I had stayed in New York, I wouldn’t have left you either. But I had to try and go back to K’un Lun, and honestly I didn’t… it didn’t really occur to me that leaving you behind was an option, not until you seemed to think that that’s what I planned to do,” he laughs almost a little awkwardly, but without amusement, running his thumb along the back of her hand again. “It was never an option to me, unless you hadn’t wanted to come, of course.” 

“I know you care about me, Danny, but after what I did to you? I don’t understand  _ how _ you still care about me the same. I lied to you, betrayed you. I hurt you. So, yeah, I was expecting you to leave.” She leans back into him as the chill starts creeping back into her, tries to focus on how warm he always is, fidgets with his hand in hers. 

“You did hurt me, I won’t lie to you about that. But once I knew more, once we knew what Bakuto was really doing, how could I hate you? In the rain with you that night, I  _ understood _ . I’ve  _ been there _ , Colleen. Maybe not the same, but similar enough - I know what it’s like to have everything pulled out from under you.” He leans his head against hers. “Your intentions weren’t cruel, or to hurt me. And when you knew what was going on, you left the Hand. I can’t fault you for that, or hold that against you.” 

“I cared about Bakuto. I loved him, hell, more than I ever did my own father. That feels so  _ wrong _ to say now, knowing everything. He tried to have me killed - have my  _ students _ kill me.” She takes a shaky breath and tightens her grip on his hand. “I was trying to get antibiotics for you, after we talked on the roof. He found out.” 

“I yelled at you, and you were still trying to help me.” He seems surprised by this, almost. 

“That night in the rain, when you found me… I wanted to die. I wanted…  _ something _ , some sort of end to all of the hurt. They’d tried to kill me, my  _ students _ , because  _ he _ told them to. I fought them. But if they had found me again instead of you, I might’ve just.. let them.” she clenches her jaw again, forces in another breath. “I’m glad you found me that night.” the words come out quiet, whispered. 

“I’m glad I found you, too. I’m glad that we were able to fix things, that I could pull you out of that. I decided to go back to K’un Lun because I knew I needed it, and I asked you to come with me not just because I cared about you, didn’t want to leave you, but because I think it would’ve been good for you too. I think the last thing you needed was to be alone.” 

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d been in New York still,” she admits. “But I still don’t know if I deserve your forgiveness.” 

“Maybe you would’ve been okay, but I  _ am _ glad you’re here with me. This… isn’t exactly the most ideal situation either, but I have you, and I’m here for you when you need it too. I wouldn’t want to be doing this alone.” He squeezes her hand and places another quick kiss on the side of her head. “And don’t ever think that I’m leaving you, okay? Or question whether or not you deserved this. Don’t think like that. If anyone deserves a second chance, forgiveness, it’s you.” 

She bites her lip, takes another shaky breath and tries to blink back the tears. He’s too good, too kind and forgiving, and she thinks it’s going to be a lot longer before she thinks she deserves this,  _ him _ . But it’s a start. 

“Come on, let’s go back to bed, okay?” 

He pulls her to her feet with him, his arm immediately going around her waist as she leans into his side, walking with him back to the bed. She lays down, waiting until he settles before she tentatively shifts closer to him, arm wrapped across his chest with her head on his shoulder. His breaths are steady and calming, and he’s playing with her hair a little, running his fingers through it in a motion that she finds surprisingly comforting. 

“Sorry I woke you up,” she mumbles against his chest. 

He almost snorts. “As if I haven’t woken you up for the same reasons. Don’t even start that, Colleen. If anything, wake me up more, if you need anything.” 

“Okay,” she breaths, sinking into him more as he continues playing with her hair, the combination of that and the warmth of him making her sleepy. “Thank you.” 

 

 

 

**moscow**

 

It smells like earth and mold, and there’s nothing there. The room is dark, lit only by the distant lights slanting through the windows and illuminating the dust in the air, shining into the completely empty room. The layer of undisturbed dust on the floor confirms their fear - no one has been here in a long time, and just like that, their last lead goes cold. She tightens her grip on her katana and takes a tentative step further into the room to get a better look, but there’s nothing to see. There’s no other doors except for the one they just came through, no broken windows,  _ nothing _ . 

When she turns to look back at Danny, he hasn’t moved from the doorway. He shakes his head a little, looks  _ lost _ . “That’s it. We’ve got nothing to go on now.” 

Their few weeks in Moscow up until now had been spent chasing lead after lead that turned into nothing, went cold before they could fully pursue it, or even seemed like something that had been designed to throw them off. They’d been all over the city pursuing even the slightest hint they could find about where the Hand operates here, and come up empty over and over. This was their very last thread, and it led to an empty building. 

“We’ll keep looking, Danny, we’ll find  _ something _ ,” she replies, trying to keep her tone hopeful even though she doesn’t feel any of that optimism. He’s always the positive one - always moving on, pushing through things, pulling her with him when she loses faith. She doesn’t know what to do when it’s the reverse. 

“What if we don’t? What if we got this far, and now there’s nothing? We haven’t found  _ any _ solid evidence that the Hand is actually here - only what information we got while we were in Berlin.” 

“Something will shake loose eventually, okay? That’s how it worked out in Berlin. We’ll find them, just - not  _ here _ . We can go back to the hotel, and then go from there.” She watches as he fidgets his hands, shifts a little in place; she’s starting to notice the more subtle signs of when he’s struggling, when he starts getting overly anxious, but she still doesn’t really know how to help with that. 

“Maybe we missed something here, we can go back through the building, look at everything again. Maybe retracing our steps will help, go back to the first few places too, or…” he trails off as he starts talking a bit too fast, turning away. 

Colleen shifts her katana to hang across her back again, walking across the room towards Danny. She’s not all that good with words - least of all the comforting type - and that’s never really seemed to help him, anyway. Instead she hesitates for just a moment before wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, hugging him as tightly as she can, resting her head against his back. She feels him startle briefly, only to almost immediately relax a little as he sinks back into her embrace. He rests one of his hands over hers, and she doesn’t let go of him until he’s breathing slower again, until he no longer feels so tense against her. 

He pulls at her arms to loosen her grip so he can turn around, and she wraps her arms up around his neck instead, pushing onto her toes to hug him tighter as his arms find their way around her waist and back. He buries his face in her neck,  _ clinging _ to her as she feels the rest of the tension melt out of him at her touch. 

She’s never been good at this - offering physical comfort, or really, any sort of comfort. It’s never been her strength, always something foreign to her. It isn’t something she was typically used to receiving, so it had never been something she’d learned to  _ give _ . But something about the simplest of gestures - holding hands, hugging - always work for Danny. She knows that he’s far more tactile than she is, but she still feels strange trying to offer the same sort of comfort that he so easily and readily does. It seems to work, though, and she’s perfectly fine with just letting him hold her for a minute. 

“Let’s just get out of here, okay?” She suggests. His hands run down her back to rest at her waist briefly before he slowly releases her. She slips back down onto her heels, looking up at him, her arms still draped around his neck. She slides her hands up to cup his face, gently tugging him down so that she can press a lingering kiss against his forehead. 

“Thank you,” he says, looking just  _ slightly _ embarrassed, but covers that up quickly because he know she’ll say something about it, remind him that he has no reason to be. 

“We’re going to figure this out. We  _ will _ ,” she insists, but the words feel empty even to her. 

 

\-----

 

It’s their last night in Moscow, and Colleen’s really not sure if she’ll miss it. They’re off to Paris next, which might not be any better, but at least  _ hopefully _ easier to work through than this place. 

She’s sitting cross legged on the bed cleaning her katana while Danny packs up one of their bags, setting it near the door before he wanders back over to join her. She shifts the sword a little so he can sit next to her safely, though at this point he’s no longer fazed by it. 

“It’s our last night here,” he starts slowly, and she looks up at him briefly before turning her attention back to the sword. “So, uh, I was kind of wondering if you’d let me take you out on an actual,  _ normal _ date?” 

The question surprises her, the last thing she’d expected him to ask, and she opens her mouth to answer before just looking over at him again. He looks a little shy, ducking his head in that way he does, but he’s smiling tentatively too. A real,  _ normal _ date is something that she hasn’t exactly thought about - isn’t really fond of the term, either - and it’s been absolutely the last thing on her mind since they’d started tracking an international crime organization. Any normal couple things don’t seem to fit into this picture. 

“I’ve never had the chance to yet, I just realized that today. We’ve been together for a few months now, and I’ve never gotten to take you out to dinner or do anything  _ normal _ ,” he explains, prompted by her silence. “We don’t have to go anywhere far, if you don’t want to.” 

“Do you have somewhere in mind?” 

“Well, if you don’t want to really  _ go  _ anywhere, there’s the place at this hotel. Apparently the view is great. We could go right now,” he suggests. 

“That sounds perfect. I’ll change into something that doesn’t have blood on it, then we can go?” 

Danny chuckles. “Romantic.” 

 

\-----

 

The view is, as he’d said,  _ beautiful _ . Moscow is a beautiful and interesting city, but she hasn’t really been able to appreciate any of it due to the overlying constant stress of their situation and the difficulty they’d had here. Now, though, it’s a cool summer evening and the breeze feels lovely and she lets herself relax as she sits down, looking out across the expanse of the city as Danny settles into the chair across from her. 

“Do you think we’ll ever… finish what we’re trying to do?” Colleen asks after they’ve ordered, elbows resting on the table as she leans forward a bit to be able to hear Danny better over the sound of the other people around them. 

“It does seem like a never ending thing, doesn’t it?” he sighs, leaning forward a little too. “I hope so. I mean, we’re making progress. We’re getting closer - this can’t go on forever.” 

“We just had so much trouble here and in Berlin that it just seems endless,” she agrees, frowning a little. 

“There has to be an end eventually, and I’m hoping that what we find in Paris will help get us there. We’ll be back home soon, I hope.” 

“What do you think you’d have done if you’d decided to stay in New York? Do you think you would’ve been trying to work at Rand still?” 

“I really don’t know. I mean, the company is in good hands with Ward, and it’s not like I was actually helpful when I was there,” he points out, shaking his head a little. “It’s too much paperwork and meetings and  _ ties _ for me. Honestly, I might try to find a job that requires more physical work. And find somewhere to live, that’s… probably important.” 

“My dojo is always open to you, Danny. You can stay with me as long as you want to,” she says tentatively, meeting his eyes and resisting the urge to smile as he lights up a little. 

“Thank you.” 

They’re quiet once they get their food, a lull in the conversation as they eat and watch the sun set across the city, the light painting it gold. It’s strangely comforting to watch, and by the time they finish eating, it’s dark. The city is too bright to see the stars, really the only thing she’ll look back on fondly from their trip up the mountains, but the night sky is pretty nonetheless. 

“Maybe we should just… make sure to do something like this everywhere we end up going,” Danny says as they make the walk back to their hotel room, hand in hand. “I mean, doesn’t have to be a  _ date _ or anything, but this is the most relaxed I’ve been since we got to Moscow and it’s because we’re taking a break. Next places, we should find the time to do something outside of chasing leads.” 

“A little balance would be good,” she agrees.

She holds tight to his hand as they walk back to their hotel room, but she waits until they’re inside before she slips her arms up around his neck, gently tugging him down for a kiss. 

“As far as first dates go, I’ve definitely had worse,” she says as she pulls back, arms still around his neck. 

“That implies that you’ve also had better.” 

“I can count on one hand the number of dates I’ve had, and this one would definitely make the top of the list. You know, for someone who has absolutely no relationship experience, you’re surprisingly good at this,” she admits as he walks her backwards, leaning down to steal another quick kiss. She lets him. 

“I guess the time I brought takeout to the dojo when I barely knew you doesn’t count as our first date?” He jokes. 

“Absolutely not. For one, that was weird, though slightly endearing after the initial surprise. This is much better - I’ll let you say this one was the first date, for your sake,” she laughs.

“I appreciate that. So, does that mean I’ll get a second one?” He teases a little. “I mean, that’s how this is  _ supposed _ to work, so-”

“Just shut up and kiss me.” 

 

 

**paris**

  
  


They’ve been in Paris for a week before they really have a moment to  _ breathe _ . They had hit the ground running nearly the moment they arrived, and had been pursuing their leads and the Hand nonstop, just hoping the trail wouldn’t go cold. It had ended up being a week of sleepless nights and mild injuries and thinking of little else but this singular focus. When their first couple of leads had finally gone cold, while opening up different but less pressing opportunities, they had decided it was time to take a couple of days off to recuperate. 

That had started with a night and morning of not leaving the hotel, trying to catch up on sleep and taking time to breathe and just  _ be _ with each other. They ended up sleeping in until the late afternoon pressed against each other’s sides despite the bed being large enough that it’s not necessary - it was just comforting. It was happening more and more, waking up curled against each other even if they’d been on separate sides of the bed when they’d gone to sleep. Colleen doesn’t mind it, and Danny seems to love this, even if he doesn’t outright say so. 

“We should take some time to actually see the city today,” Danny suggests as he trails his fingers along her back lightly, unthinkingly. “You know, be  _ those _ people. Extra touristy.” 

“I mean, we can’t be in Paris and  _ not _ take the time to walk around,” she points out in agreement. They’d agreed to take the rest of today off anyway, so she figures they might as well make the most of it. 

“We could go now,” he says, but he doesn’t make any attempt to move. Neither does she. He’s warm and comfortable and she’s curled along his side, and she spreads her hand out against his chest over his heart, can feel it beating. It’s reassuring. “Or later, we could go later.” 

“Just give me a minute, then I might get up.” She wraps her arm across his chest and curls into him as close as she can, still sleepy, smiling when he tightens his arms around her. “You’re comfy,” she mumbles against him, and she  _ knows _ he’s smiling. 

“I love that you’re cuddly when you take up,” he comments. “I never would’ve expected that from you. Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone.” 

“Good, I’ve got a reputation to keep up.” She pulls back from his chest and smiles at him as she brushes her hair out of the way, reluctantly pulling out of his embrace. 

 

\-----

 

The sun is setting by the time they make the walk to the Eiffel tower, but really, she thinks that it improves the view. They walk hand in hand as they move past the crowd of people waiting to go up, and she tilts her head back to look up at it, taking it all in. True to his word, Danny intended to be extra touristy about it - he takes a bunch of pictures as they walk past, and more once they’re a little further down the street, just grinning at her when she rolls her eyes at him as he takes another. 

“Why do you need so many pictures of it?” She asks as he takes  _ another _ . It’s beautiful, it  _ is _ , but she doesn’t really understand the desire to take lots of pictures of it. They won’t compare to seeing it in person, won’t truly capture how it feels to stand close to it like this. 

“I mean, we’re  _ here _ . Might as well,” he points out as they cross the street and follow the sidewalk further away to get a more clear view of it. “Actually, we should get a couple pictures in front of it. I said we’re being touristy, right?” He grins, again, and she just shakes her head as he leaves her briefly to find someone who would be willing to take said pictures for them. He returns a moment later with a couple with him, talking animatedly before he hands them his phone and joins her again. 

He takes her hand while they get a  _ normal _ picture, pulling her against his side with a smile and his hand on her waist. It’s unexpected when he kisses her, pulling her in closer with a hand on her lower back as he finds a better angle for it. She’s torn between laughing at the spontaneity of it and pushing him away because he caught her off guard, but in the end she just kisses him back before stepping away, face flushed as she shakes her head slightly. Holding hands had really been the limit of public affection she’d allowed so far - anything else felt almost too intimate - so him kissing her in such an open, busy space in front of so many people was surprising. 

Danny thanks the couple after he gets his phone back, looking through the pictures as he walks back to her. “This one’s a keeper,” he says, tilting his phone so she can see. It’s one of them kissing, both of them smiling a little, with the tower and the beautiful sky behind them. It’s  _ strange _ \- in the picture they look just like any other normal couple, doing normal touristy couple things, and not as if their life is a borderline disaster.  _ That would be nice _ , she thinks, idly. 

“You okay?” He asks, reaching out and cupping her face lightly. 

She turns her head just enough to press a kiss against his palm before grabbing his hand and pulling him with her. “I am. Let’s keep going.” 

They walk around the area until it’s fully dark before circling back towards the tower, now fully lit up against the night sky. Danny leads her over to an empty bench a fair distance from the tower, tugging at her until she sits down with him and leans a little into his side. It’s almost a little chilly with the sun down and the breeze, so the warmth of him at her side is comfortable, more so as he wraps an arm around her shoulders. 

“This is nice, just getting to spend  _ normal _ time together,” Danny says, arm tightening a little around her as he talks. 

“Yeah we… really haven’t had many opportunities for that, have we?” It’s still hard to believe that she’s only known him for a few months - it feels like she has for so much longer. At this point, it’s already hard to imagine  _ not _ knowing him, not having him in her life. 

“Once this whole thing with the Hand is over, we’ll have more time.” Danny looks back up at the tower, and she pushes past the awkwardness she feels and rests her head on his shoulder despite the fact that there’s still people around them. 

“And we can take a break from traveling for a while. I mean, this is obviously worth seeing, but I think it’ll be nice being back in New York. There’s a lot of places  _ there _ we can go,” she adds. 

“I’d love to see more of the city, it’s changed so much. You’ll have to show me around.”

“I will,” she promises. 

He starts talking more about Paris, pointing out things they can see from where they’re sitting, all the while with his arm wrapped tightly around her, and she can practically  _ hear _ the smile in his voice even though she’s not looking at his face. His pure, unfaltering enthusiasm makes her smile too. 

_ I think I might love him _ . 

It’s not an unsurprising thought - she  _ knows _ that she cares deeply about him, that she’s happy and lighter when she’s around him, that the warmth in her chest because of him is  _ something _ . She just hasn’t really wanted to say it, or even admit this to herself - that the feeling she has for him could be more than just gentle affection, that  _ maybe _ she can open herself up enough to love him. 

That’s a strange feeling for her now, not always welcome - she gave it to her mother, who died. Her grandparents, who soon followed after. Bakuto, who lied and tried to kill her. Love was never something that ended well for her. She’s getting tired of it, but  _ maybe _ with Danny, it’ll be different. If he’s shown her anything, it’s that it’s possible to change and try again. 

_ Maybe it’s not such a bad thing _ . 

She shifts even closer to him, smiling again as he lifts her hand up to press a kiss to it. 

“Thanks for letting me drag you around today and for dealing with all my pictures,” he jokes, a little, but she knows that he means it sincerely. 

“I still don’t understand  _ why _ so many pictures, but I had fun today,” she says as she pulls back from him. This time when he leans in to kiss her, it’s expected. She doesn’t pull away, instead she wraps an arm around the back of his neck and holds him closer, smiles as his hands rest at her waist and neck, keeping her there as his kisses are gentle and slow. This time, she doesn’t really care that they’re in public, that anyone can see them. This time, she truly enjoys it. 

 

\-----

  
  


Predictably, the evening ends in a fight. 

Caught off guard, unarmed. Of course, the peace couldn’t last, not for them. The Hand had clearly figured out that they were onto them, and were waiting for them on their walk back to their hotel. Now she’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub shivering, getting blood all over the white tile floor, stark against the otherwise clean room. 

“Should’ve known,” Danny sighs as he hands her a small towel that she quickly presses against her side to try and slow the bleeding. It aches, throbbing with every beat of her heart as she clenches her jaw and shuts her eyes, trying to stay focused, but the pain is almost overwhelming. 

“Can’t just have  _ one _ day of peace,” she agrees, watching as he digs through the first aid kit to pull out what he needs. He has some scrapes and a smaller cut, bruising across his ribs, but she had definitely gotten the worst of it with a knife at her side. It’s deep enough that trying to staunch the flow of blood is difficult, and the white towel is rapidly turning red and pink as she shifts it again.  _ That _ will be fun to lie about to the hotel staff. 

He helps her get her shirt off, the movement making her hiss with pain as he throws the shirt into the pile with their other bloody clothes. He grabs a damp rag and carefully starts to clean the wound, trying to be gentle. 

“This might be easier if you’re laying down,” he decides, handing her a new rag to press against her side. He grabs a large towel and disappears for a moment before coming back in, taking one look at her before he just hooks an arm around her shoulders and under her knees and lifts her up bridal style despite her protests. 

“I can walk,” she says, but the sudden movement of him lifting her up sends a wave of dizziness through her, so she quiets as he carries her out of the bathroom. He’s put a towel down on the bed - not that it’ll help much - and carefully lays her down, and she’s unable to hold back the groan of pain as the movement tugs at the wound again. 

She’s mostly quiet as he disinfects the cut and starts stitching it, intently focused on what he’s doing except for brief check ins to make sure she’s doing okay. She can see the worry on his face though, the tension in his body, and  _ knows _ that he hates this more than anything. Tiredly she reaches out and rests a hand against his shoulder briefly as an attempt to reassure him, though she knows it won’t make much of a difference. 

When he finishes he cleans up around the wound even more, the rag completely red now, before he puts a bandage over the stitches, seeming a little more relaxed now that she’s not bleeding everywhere. She sits up with a hiss of pain, trying to ignore the rush of dizziness that hits her. He helps her out of her pants which are sticky with blood, a feeling she’s  _ really _ getting sick of. He hands her the first thing he grabs out of their bags, which ends up being one of his t-shirts, but she doesn’t complain and is actually grateful for the just-too-large but soft shirt as she pulls it on. 

“Let me fix that one on your shoulder,” she says now that the dizziness has passed, and he protests at first before caving and sitting down on the bed next to her as she drags the kit closer to them. 

“We have to be more careful,” he says, still sounding tense as she wipes away the blood trailing down his shoulder. “This could’ve been  _ so much _ worse. Your cut could’ve been  _ deeper _ , or a stab wound, not just a cut, and-” he looks away from her and he’s breathing just a bit too fast as he clenches his jaw a little. 

“Danny. I’m okay.” She reaches out, places her hand against his face and makes him look at her again, waiting until he meets her eyes before she runs her thumb along his cheek. “I’ve had worse wounds than this in my life, and I’m still here, okay? If it had been any worse, there  _ are _ hospitals here. But I’m  _ okay _ .” 

“You’re still hurt.” He leans his forehead against hers, his hand coming up to rest on the back of her neck as he takes a moment to breathe. 

“I am. It hurts, and I don’t feel all that great right now. But this isn’t going to kill me.  _ I’m still here _ .” 

He pulls back, and the look on his face of worry and fear makes her heart ache. He reaches out, pushing some of her hair out of the way as he examines the bruises forming on her neck, her jaw. She vaguely recalls one of the men grabbing her by the throat, but that was  _ after _ the knife, so it’s all a little blurred in her head now. She’s not sure how bad it is, but it’s clearly enough to have Danny worrying even  _ more _ , carefully running his thumb across some of the worst spots on her neck with a sigh. 

“We’re okay,” she insists, even if she’s not really sure about that herself. 

At her words he pulls her into a hug, and she buries her face against his shoulder and lets herself fall into him more. He’s careful even now, arms around her but gently, resting his head against her neck with two fingers briefly pressed against the pulse point on her throat before he just pulls her closer. 

Maybe they’re not okay right now, but she knows they will be. If the last few months have shown her anything, it’s that they pull through. They always do - and this time will be no different. But for now she’s content to let him hold her until his fears are reassured, to let him feel her heartbeat if that’s what he needs for undeniable proof that she’s alive. For now, that’s enough. 

 

 

**miami**

 

“We’re in Miami. We  _ have _ to go to the beach.” 

This is what he’d told her the moment they’d stepped off of their plane, after flying for over ten hours, when it’s already evening and she’s ready to do nothing besides take a shower and collapse into a real bed. 

“Right now?” She’d asked, skeptical. 

Which was how they’d ended up on the beach right after checking into their hotel and changing into clothes better suited to the heat, Danny jokingly mentioning  _ racing her down to the water _ but instead just grabbing her hand excitedly and pulling her along with him. It’s hard to be annoyed when he’s so purely enthusiastic about it, and as she follows barefoot across the sand with him pulling at her hand, the tiredness slips away as his excitement becomes infectious.

The sand is rough and sun-warmed, but the water is cool as it rushes over their feet and it feels amazing. His hand is still in hers, urging her to follow him deeper into the water until it’s up to her knees. They’d gotten to the beach just as the sun was starting to set, and the sky is the deepest orange she’s seen, reflecting off of the water. It’s  _ beautiful _ , shining liquid gold as they step even further in. 

“I’ve not seen a lot of beaches like this,” Danny says, gripping her hand a little tighter as a wave pushes up against them with more force than she anticipated. “I mean, I went on vacation with my family a few times but I was a lot younger then. I don’t really remember it. The ocean by New York just isn’t the same as  _ this _ .” 

“This, this is… kind of amazing,” she agrees. “There were beaches in Hokkaido too that we’d go to sometimes, mostly with my grandparents. I think my mother took me once, before she was sick, but I barely remember.” 

A stronger wave hits her up to her waist and she grabs Danny’s arm tighter. If either one of them are going to end up falling, it’s probably her, and she’s not really in the mood for that. She’s already thoroughly soaked, her shorts and tank top clinging uncomfortable, but she hardly cares. She even lets Danny pull her out a little further into the water as they watch the sun set, the orange skies darkening as the light slowly disappears. 

They stand in the water until it’s completely dark before wading back to the shore, walking back across the sun-warmed beach to where they’d left their shoes. She’s still tired, but in a considerably better mood than she’d been when they’d landed in Miami, and Danny seems to be too. 

Deciding to take the time to do things like this - find moments of happiness amidst the stress, even if they had to carve out the time for it - was, really, one of the best ideas he’s had. As he takes her hand again, swinging it a little as they walk, she’s grateful again that she’s here with him. That she can experience these things with him, the good and bad. It makes it all worth it. 

 

\-----

 

Danny is - as usual - already up when she wakes. She squints at the assault of too-bright Florida sunshine coming in through the window and wonders  _ why _ he always insists on opening the curtains so early, lifting a hand to try and block it out. 

“What time is it?” She grumbles slightly as she tries to get her eyes to adjust to the light, pushing the blankets off. 

“Almost nine. I’ve been up for a while, figuring out where we need to go today,” he explains, and when she finally gets a better look at him, she notices that he’s sitting on the short counter in the small kitchen with his phone and a pad of paper, writing something down. His hair - a bit too long again - sticks up in a few places in an adorable sort of way, and he’s wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. 

“You should’ve woken me, I could’ve helped.” She pushes up until she’s sitting, shoving sleep-messy hair out of her face before swinging her legs off the side of the bed. 

“I just finished. We should go by the places while it’s light out to get an idea of what the areas are like before we go tonight.” He finishes writing down one last address before he folds up the paper and shoves it into his pocket. 

“Probably smart,” she agrees as she reaches for the bag near the bed and pulls out a change of clothes, setting it beside her while she pulls off her pajama shirt. 

Danny sets his phone and the pen down on the counter before crossing the room to sit next to her on the bed. “There’s also a little cafe nearby, where we should go first,” he adds, smiling a little. 

“Sounds like a plan.” She smiles back before reaching for her shirt, but Danny clearly has other plans. He leans in and presses a brief kiss against her lips before he moves to her cheek, her chin, his hand curling around the back of her neck as she laughs a little at the sudden show of affection. He presses a kiss against the nearly-faded bruise on her jaw, before moving to the still-prominent one on her neck. 

“You’re beautiful,” he tells her as he pulls back, and he’s clearly so earnest about it that she halfway looks away, trying to fight the heat that creeps up in her cheeks because she is  _ not _ the type of person to constantly blush at compliments like that. Apparently with Danny, she is. She lets him pull her back in for another brief kiss, their noses pushed together from the odd angle. He leans into her enough that eventually she just lays back on the bed with him following her, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a proper kiss, though they’re both smiling so it’s hard to do much with it. 

He’s been getting more and more comfortable with things like this once she relaxed, sudden affectionate gestures that seem to come out of nowhere. Once he’d figured out  _ when _ she’s okay with it, he was suddenly doing things like this all of the time. Not always kissing, sometimes just taking her hand or hugging her, little compliments or even slight reassuring touches on her shoulders or lower back. He touches more than he talks for affection, reassurance, which is strange for her but something about it from Danny clicks perfectly. 

He slides his hand down her side to spread out against her ribs, warm against her skin as he shifts to lay down on the bed beside her, chasing her lips for another quick kiss. 

“You’re in a good mood,” she points out with a smile. 

“Yeah, I am. I was thinking this morning, and just… this whole situation, the past few months, it’s not been  _ easy _ . It’s been anything but. We’ve had some really shitty days. I’m just… glad I’m not doing all of this alone, you know?” He trails his fingers along the side of her face gently. “Having you here has made this so, so much better. So much  _ easier _ . I’m just really thankful that you’re here, that you were willing to do this with me even though I know this is hard on you too.” 

“Hey, I told you, I’m not leaving now. We’re in this  _ together _ , until the end, okay?” She understands where he’s coming from - this would’ve been an unbearable trip without him. Not that she would’ve been doing this if he  _ hadn’t _ been, instead she would’ve been alone in New York still, doing… she’s not really sure, but it wouldn’t have been good. Spiraling a little, she thinks.  _ Lonely _ . Sometimes in the night she still feels all of that creeping up on her in tired moments, but Danny’s constant presence helps. He’s more  _ grounding _ than she thinks he realizes he is, and the sentiment of  _ thankful that the other is there _ goes both ways. 

“That means so much more to me than I can express,” he says honestly, leaning his head into hers until their foreheads are pressed together. He kisses her again, this time deeper and with a more serious intent until she’s out of breath and overwhelmed. When he pulls away there’s still that small smile, teasing now, blue eyes shining as he pushes himself up off of the bed. 

“Come on, let’s go get breakfast.” 

 

\-----

 

The cafe is small and quiet, not near as busy as he expected, and they find a table for two by one of the large front windows. He sits across from Colleen, taking her in as she settles and looks around the place curiously. He had meant what he’d told her earlier - that she’s beautiful -  _ breathtaking _ . He’s certain she’s not used to anyone telling her that because she blushes every time he does, looks away like she can hide it, but he knows. It’s kind of adorable. Every time she gives him that slightly scrunched up nose expression when he says something like that, it makes him want to kiss her. To run his fingers through her soft hair, curl a hand along her jaw, kiss her lips and her cheeks and her forehead, whatever he can reach, until she’s usually laughing and protesting at the same time. There’s a simple sort of joy in it, in making her laugh or smile, seeing the same joy he feels reflected back in her eyes. He  _ loves _ it. 

“Hey,” she says suddenly, and he realizes he’s been caught staring at her, but he just smiles a little teasingly. 

“Hey yourself.” 

“How many places do we need to look at today?” She asks. 

“Four - but we’re not talking about this right now, that’s for later. Right now we just get to act like a normal couple in a cafe in Miami, and not like we’re tracking an international crime organization slash cult.” 

“When you say it like that, it really does sound bad,” she comments, flipping the menu page over on the table. 

“Which is why we’re not talking about it.” 

“What else is there to talk about though?” She asks with a bit of a joking smile. 

“Actually, I did want to ask you about something. Last night on the beach, you mentioned Hokkaido - that’s where you were born, right?” 

“Yeah. I wasn’t there all of the time, sometimes we were in New York, but most of my childhood was spent over there. My father was - well,  _ is _ still, I think - a professor at Columbia. So it was sort of back and forth for a while, until my mother got sick.” She fiddles with the menu absently, but she’s no longer looking at it, her eyes on him instead. 

“I don’t know a lot about it, but from what I do know, it’s a beautiful place.” 

“It is, I guess. I didn’t really appreciate it so much as a child, and I haven’t been back there since. Honestly? I kind of remember it as… lonely.” She looks away from him now, and he notes the tension in her words, and figures that this isn’t something she’s entirely comfortable talking about. But the fact that she’s telling him, offering him these pieces of her that he doesn’t think she’s told just anyone, makes him feel cared about in a way, to be trusted with this. He rests his arms on the table as he reaches over to grab her hands in his, squeezing gently. 

“We could go there, sometime. If you want to, I mean. Not when we’re tracking the Hand, instead… just because we can. It might be good.” He offers her a smile that she returns a little shyly as she looks at him again. 

“I’d like that. It would be nice to have new memories there, with someone else, someone I care about. I never could work up the nerve to go myself. So maybe when all of this is over, when we’ve had a chance to settle for a while, we could go.” 

“It’s a plan.” 

He’s a little caught off guard when she leans in to meet him halfway across the table, hand reaching up to rest against his face as she guides him into a kiss. She’s never the one to initiate something like this in public, so the action is startling before he quickly kisses her back. When her hand moves to his chin instead, he tilts his head a little for a better angle, leaning further across the table to kiss her better, his hands both holding onto her free one resting on the table. 

When she pulls back her face is flushed a little, but she’s smiling brightly at him. 

_ I love her _ . 

 

 

 

**phnom penh**

 

Neither of them say a word on the walk back to their hotel. He tries at first, but all his hopeful words feel like ash stuck in his throat and never quite make it out. Usually he can find them, even if they felt empty, always in an attempt to keep both himself and Colleen in good spirits. But five months into their trip, with their last lead dead, he can’t find any words at all.

He watches Colleen as she sets her katana on the bed and tightens her hands into fists - hands red with blood - before she steps past him into the bathroom. He listens to the sound of the sink running, the quiet sounds of her movements, before he pushes his shoes off and forces himself to walk further into the room. The intense frustration won’t leave him, humming under his skin with no outlet, and he’s so  _ sick  _ of things going wrong.

“Let me look at that cut.” He turns around at her voice, pausing a moment too long before he nods. She looks so  _ tired _ , so worn down, that it breaks his heart a little bit. 

He tugs his shirt off and sits down on the edge of the bed, Colleen joining him a minute later, pushing hair out of her face before leaning forward a bit to start cleaning the cut. It stings, but he stays quiet, unable to keep the fight from replaying in his head over and over, unable to stop thinking about how he  _ failed _ . 

Colleen’s hands are soft but cold against his skin as she bandages the cut and he tries to focus on that, on her steady presence. She’s wavering though, just as much as he is, and he knows it. That same tiredness he sees in her he knows is dragging him under too. 

“I think we should go back to New York,” she says after she secures the last side of the bandage, her hand lingering against his skin before she pulls away and starts repacking the kit. 

“Maybe there’s something else here, if we just keep  _ looking _ -”

“There’s not! There’s nothing here and you know it. He said it himself,” she interrupts, voice tight as she stands up. When he turns to look at her she’s tense, frowning down at the floor with her arms wrapped across her stomach defensively. 

“And maybe there’s nothing in New York, either,” he says, sighing as he pushes to his feet, starting to pace. That restless aching frustration won’t leave. “This was our  _ last _ lead. And I got him killed.” 

“Danny, don’t do that. Don’t… start with that self-blaming shit. We never could’ve known that that woman would be there, that’s not on you,” Colleen counters, voice just a bit louder than normal as she turns to face him. 

“I didn’t stop her, so yeah, it’s kind of on me.” 

“Fine. If we’re taking the blame here, it’s just as much my fault as it is yours.  _ I _ didn’t stop her either. I didn’t even  _ try _ . So if this is where you’re going, at least give me the blame as well.” 

“Colleen-” 

“We’ve been tracking them for five  _ months _ , Danny. And look where we’ve gotten - almost nowhere. They know that we’re after them, they have to, why do you think our leads keep going cold so quickly? Or how this woman was there  _ right _ before we found him?” She’s holding her arms so tightly around herself that it has to hurt, and part of him wants to step forward and hug her, but the rest of him is too caught up in the overwhelming frustration of it all. 

“Being back in New York isn’t going to fix that!” He points out. 

“No, it won’t - but even if there’s nothing there, nothing to go on… we have to  _ stop _ . We have to take a break. We’re getting nowhere at all, running in circles, and it’s only a matter of time before they walk us right into a trap. We can’t just keep chasing after something that’s not there, that disappears too fast for us to ever catch up to.” 

The silence that fills the room is uncomfortable, tired, thick with tension. He stands near the windows, looking out at the city, taking a moment to try and let the frustration bleed out of him before he says anything else, anything he might regret later. He doesn’t want to fight with her - he  _ hates _ this, more than anything else, and he knows that she hates it too. It reminds him too much of the moment he found out she was Hand, of the rooftop, of her yelling at him in the rain. 

He takes a deep breath before he moves and sits on the bed next to her, hating that she won’t look over at him or say anything now, looking down with her hair mostly hiding her face from him. He reaches over for her hand but it’s tightened into a fist, so he wraps an arm around her shoulders instead, relief flooding through him when she doesn’t pull away. 

“I’m sorry.” 

She still doesn’t look at him. 

“I’m just… so tired, you know? And I know you are too. This trip has been long and trying and maybe you’re right, maybe it’s time to go home.” 

He feels some of the tension leave her and she leans into his side, resting her head against his shoulder as he rubs her back gently, trying to find the words to fix this. 

“I’m sorry, too,” she says after a moment, quiet, reaching out to rest her hand against his until he curls his fingers through hers. 

“It’s just all so frustrating, and I kind of, I get overwhelmed by that. Blame myself, others. You don’t deserve that -  _ none _ of this was your fault.” He swallows, frowns. “And you’re right - it’s not mine, either.” 

“You’re just so  _ quick _ to blame yourself for everything. And I get that, I do, but some things are just out of our control, Danny. You  _ know _ how much I hate that. I just think that today was a pretty good sign that it’s time to go home.” 

He’ll never understand why it was him who ended up with Colleen - someone so forgiving, so patient, so kind in her soul. The cold front she puts up around others to keep them out is so deceiving of who she is beneath it, once she lowers the wall around herself enough to let someone in. He thinks he’ll be forever grateful that she chose to let him in. It could’ve been anyone, but somehow it’s  _ him _ getting to love her, hold her, and he wishes he could do more right now. 

“I’m just so tired of running and fighting. It just feels like it’s never going to end - like our lives are just paused until this is over, but it’s never going to be, not if we keep going like this. I just want to start  _ living _ again,” she admits, the words whispered against him like she’s afraid to say something like that, something so tired and vulnerable. 

Her words make him pause - he hadn’t really thought of it like that, like  _ this _ is the thing that’s keeping them from moving on. This had felt important -  _ does _ feel important - but he thinks that she’s right in that it isn’t  _ living _ . It’s aching and tiring and frustrating, running and circles and losing hope and cleaning up bloody wounds in exhausted silence in unfamiliar hotel rooms. 

Because the thing is - he can picture a future with Colleen, clear as day, and it isn’t  _ this _ . It’s back in New York, at the dojo-apartment that has felt more like home than anywhere else, getting to wake up next to her in the morning without aching wounds, and going to sleep next to her at night without worry about what the next day would bring. He doesn’t think he’ll get back to K’un Lun even if they find answers from all of this, so maybe, it’s time to shift his plan. He wants to do this  _ right _ \- he wants to take her out on a normal date, get to see the city with her as his guide, build some semblance of a normal life that he hasn’t had in over fifteen years. 

He takes her hand and squeezes it as he leans over and presses a careful kiss to the side of her head. “Let’s go home.” 

 

 

**dojo (post-defenders, expansion of 1x08 scene)**  
  


The past almost six months have been exhausting beyond words, all of the bad clinging to them despite how much she’d been trying to shake it off. There had always been the looming threat, the past demons, but now neither of those things are really a consideration anymore. The Hand is gone, and Bakuto is truly dead this time. 

It feels freeing, it feels like a new beginning. 

And in that moment, it’s so easy to tell him that she loves him. The words slip out before she realizes it, spoken into the quiet apartment where she’s sitting with him, her arms wrapped around his neck, his around her waist drawing her close to where she’s practically sitting in his lap. Three little words that, to a lot of people, don’t hold such a weighty significance to them. To her though, saying the words that she’s guarded so closely to her heart for so long, refusing to say to anyone - it feels strange to finally speak them. If anyone will ever understand the significance of it coming from her, it’s Danny. He knows her history, her heartbreak, how everyone she loves leaves or betrays her and made her think that she’d never be able to say it to someone again. 

But the past months haven’t only be tired and aching and filled with stress and hurt. They’ve been soft, and kind, and Danny showing her the world with such an innocent enthusiasm that he got to share this with  _ her _ . It’s been nights curled up together, realizing that she felt  _ safe _ and  _ loved _ , for what feels like the first time in years. It was Danny taking her hand and showing her that she can love again, and her watching him grow and mature and brighten in his own ways as the months went on. Maybe it was all just leading up to this, a quiet moment where the pain of the past couple weeks isn’t even near wearing off, at  _ home _ with the man she considers to be family now. 

His arm tightens around her waist at her words, fully pulling her onto his lap now, his other hand sliding up her back and pulling her as close as he can as he buries his face against her neck. “I love you, too.” The words are quiet, meant only for her, and she rests her head against his shoulder and smiles. 

“I mean it. I’ve just - I didn’t want to say it yet, you know? I didn’t know what it was at first, not really, but I knew after the first couple of months. You just didn’t seem ready to hear it yet,” he explains. 

“I wasn’t. If you had told me when we were in Sao Paulo, Moscow, any of those first few places… I might’ve run. And don’t take that the wrong way, okay? I mean, after Bakuto, my students, I didn’t want to  _ love _ anyone yet. I cared about you, that’s undeniable, but you’re right that I wasn’t ready to hear it, or say it.” She pulls back a little, shifting so that she can look him in the eye. 

“I understand that,” he says, leaning in and pressing the lightest kiss against her lips. “I didn’t expect you to want something like that so soon.” When he smiles at her she can’t help but return it, one hand on the back of his neck while the other she rests over his heart. 

“I’m ready now.” 

**Author's Note:**

> They're!! Soft!!!! 
> 
> I've always assumed the defenders dojo scene was the first time they said "I love you", because I Know they've told each other, so that's why I had to add that bit at the end there.


End file.
